How to Get the Most Out of Couples Therapy

Written by: Erin Summers | Updated: December 23, 2020

For many, the idea of therapy as a couple can feel like a daunting task to complete. There are many common misconceptions about couples therapy that could greatly impact your experience, or your decision to attend therapy.

The first misconception you might hear is that it is only effective or useful for couples as a last ditch effort to save your relationship. Research suggests the opposite; that couples therapy is effective in early stages, as well as a way to enrich an already strengthened bond where the partners do not feel anything is particularly wrong. Another misconception might be that you will have an open opportunity to attack your partner, or that the therapist will take sides and minimize the other partner. As couples therapists, it is our job to ensure that each partner is feeling validated, supported, heard, and understood. We strive to ensure that partners feel they have equal opportunity and that therapy be a safe space for them to share their innermost feelings and vulnerabilities.  

These misconceptions can elicit strong emotions, and could ultimately aid in the decision to attend therapy all together. This however, does not have to be the case. Often times couples therapy can be an opportunity to understand your partner on a deeper level, become aware of unhelpful patterns that have arisen throughout your relationship, strengthen communication skills, and how to re-establish or deepen connection with your partner.

You might be thinking, where to even begin? Well, there are a few things that you can do to prepare yourself. Here are the Top 3 Ways to Get the Most Out of Therapy.

Set Goals for Yourself and Your Relationship

 Prior to your first session, it is incredibly valuable and important to sit down and think about your goals and hopes for attending couples therapy. These goals might pertain to yourself, and what you hope to work on in yourself as a partner, or they might have to do with bigger goals related to your partnership. Either way, stimulating this thought process and allowing yourself to set some goals will help you to feel more value in therapy. If possible, you might find it helpful to have this conversation with your significant other.  Having an awareness of your partners goals may help you to feel more prepared for the session.

Have an Open Mind

As is important in individual therapy, it is key that you come into couples therapy with an open mind. Therapy is meant to push you out of your comfort zone, help you to identify unhelpful patterns of thinking, and specifically in couples therapy, it will support you in identifying areas that require attention in order to strengthen your relationship. Therapy may elicit uncomfortable feelings, and may increase feelings of vulnerability and hurt between partners as the therapist may begin to ask difficult questions. It’s important to remember that this is done with the intention that building strength and connection in relationships is fostered by honesty, truth, and having the space to share your innermost thoughts and feelings.

Be Prepared to Put in the Work

You might be surprised to hear that for most couples, the most impactful work is done outside of the therapy room, and not during session. During session, your therapist might have you practice certain exercises that are aimed at achieving your goals, strengthening communication skills, encouragement in using your voice, and teaching effective conflict resolution skills, to name a few. However, it is vital that the learning and growing continues outside of the therapy room. It’s not uncommon to be sent home with a task, or activity to complete as a couple. For many couples it can feel uncomfortable waiting for sessions week to week while they are feeling distressed in their relationship. Putting in the work and commitment to completing tasks as a couple allows for you to strengthen your connection and understanding of your patterns as a couple and can be incredibly effective in connecting to one another. 

Couples Therapy with FP Counselling

Now that you have the tools to get the most out of couples therapy, if you feel that we would be a good fit for you and your partner, we offer free 20-minute phone consultations. Feel free to contact us, we look forward to hearing from you!

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