For many, the idea of therapy as a couple can feel like a daunting task. There are common misconceptions about couples therapy that could greatly impact your experience, or your decision to attend therapy at all.
The first misconception you might hear is that it is only effective or useful as a last-ditch effort to save your relationship. Research suggests the opposite: that couples therapy is effective in early stages, as well as a way to enrich an already strong bond where partners don’t feel anything is particularly wrong. Another misconception is that you will have an open opportunity to attack your partner, or that the therapist will take sides and minimize the other partner. As couples therapists, it is our job to ensure that each partner feels validated, supported, heard, and understood. We strive to ensure that partners feel they have equal opportunity, and that therapy is a safe space for them to share their innermost feelings and vulnerabilities.
These misconceptions can elicit strong emotions, and could ultimately influence the decision to attend therapy at all. This, however, does not have to be the case. Often, couples therapy can be an opportunity to understand your partner on a deeper level, become aware of unhelpful patterns that have arisen throughout your relationship, strengthen communication skills, and re-establish or deepen connection with your partner.
You might be wondering where to even begin. There are a few things you can do to prepare yourself. Here are the top three ways to get the most out of therapy.
Set goals for yourself and your relationship
Prior to your first session, it is incredibly valuable to sit down and think about your goals and hopes for attending couples therapy. These goals might pertain to yourself, and what you hope to work on as a partner, or they might have to do with bigger goals related to your partnership. Either way, stimulating this thought process and allowing yourself to set some goals will help you to find more value in therapy. If possible, you might find it helpful to have this conversation with your significant other. Having an awareness of your partner’s goals may help you feel more prepared for the session.
Have an open mind
As is important in individual therapy, it is key that you come into couples therapy with an open mind. Therapy is meant to push you out of your comfort zone and help you identify unhelpful patterns of thinking. In couples therapy specifically, it will support you in identifying areas that require attention in order to strengthen your relationship. Therapy may elicit uncomfortable feelings, and may increase feelings of vulnerability and hurt between partners as the therapist begins to ask difficult questions. It’s important to remember that this is done with the intention of building strength and connection — relationships are fostered by honesty, truth, and having the space to share your innermost thoughts and feelings.
Be prepared to put in the work
You might be surprised to hear that, for most couples, the most impactful work is done outside the therapy room, not during the session. In session, your therapist might have you practice certain exercises aimed at achieving your goals, strengthening communication skills, encouraging you to use your voice, and teaching effective conflict-resolution skills, to name a few. However, it is vital that the learning and growing continues outside the therapy room. It’s not uncommon to be sent home with a task or activity to complete as a couple. For many couples, it can feel uncomfortable waiting from session to session while feeling distressed in their relationship. Putting in the work and committing to completing tasks together allows you to strengthen your connection and understanding of your patterns as a couple, and can be incredibly effective in connecting to one another.
Couples therapy with Fresh Perspective Counselling
Now that you have a few tools to get the most out of couples therapy, if you feel we might be a good fit for you and your partner, read about our couples therapy or book a free 20-minute consult. We look forward to hearing from you.