Romantic relationships can provide support, fulfillment, and long-term happiness — but they can also be a lot of work. If you and your partner are experiencing relationship difficulties, you may need a little help to restore and revitalize your connection. That’s where couples counselling comes in.

Many people have reservations about going to counselling, often because they don’t know what to expect. Let us tell you more about our approach to couples counselling and clear up some common misconceptions so you and your partner can make an informed choice.

What is couples counselling?

Effective couples counselling generally seeks to meet 2 goals:

  • To address the challenges at the heart of the relationship
  • To improve honest and open communication between both partners

Every couple has a unique story with its own challenges, so it might be hard to imagine that a counsellor you’ve never met before will have tools that can help with your particular situation. But experienced counsellors train with methodologies designed to adapt to the needs of clients with a diverse range of lifestyles and experiences.

What should couples expect during counselling?

The Gottman Method

Many of our counsellors use the Gottman Method, a highly-structured approach developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman in the 1980s. It focuses on:

  • Enhancing respect and affection within the relationship
  • Improving verbal communication between both partners
  • Identifying and removing barriers to connection
  • Fostering increased empathy and mutual understanding

The Gottman Method may also include the use of an assessment to determine the key issues affecting the relationship, which can help both partners clarify their goals.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

EFT was developed by Drs. Sue Johnson and Les Greenberg in the 1980s and is based on the concept of love as an attachment bond. EFT consists of 9 steps across 3 distinct stages:

  • De-escalation: identifying patterns of negative behaviour and negative emotions arising from attachment issues, then reframing them to promote greater empathy and emotional availability.
  • Restructuring: encouraging both partners to share their emotions from a place of vulnerability. Each partner learns how to respond to the other with compassion and acceptance.
  • Consolidation: helping both partners develop new strategies for communicating with each other and practice the necessary skills. New healthy patterns of behaviour replace old negative ones.

Common misconceptions about couples counselling

Myth #1: Going to couples counselling means you’re about to break up

Some couples who go to counselling are on the brink of a breakup, but that’s not always true. Valid reasons people start couples counselling include uncertainty about the future of the relationship, looking for a way to save it, wanting to handle conflict more effectively, seeking to restore a bond, or trying to enhance some aspect of an already successful relationship.

Many couples come in to strengthen what they already have rather than to repair what’s broken — counselling isn’t a sign that a relationship is doomed.

Myth #2: Couples counselling is just fighting in front of a therapist

Movies and TV shows might have you convinced that couples counselling consists of two people verbally abusing each other while a therapist sits back and watches. That portrayal isn’t just inaccurate; it’s harmful, since it can scare couples away from guidance and resources that could help them improve their relationship.

Good relationship counsellors don’t choose sides, and we set strong boundaries within our sessions to help all participants feel safe and supported.

Myth #3: Healthy couples aren’t supposed to need help

Perhaps the most pernicious myth: if your relationship was healthy, you and your partner wouldn’t need counselling. But the logic is that if a relationship is worth working on, you… shouldn’t work on it? That doesn’t really make sense.

Think of your couples counsellor the same way you think of your nutritionist, personal trainer, or professional mentor. They’re all people with specialized knowledge who can help you move forward by looking objectively at the challenges you face from an appropriate distance.

How to get the most from couples counselling

Positive change is possible, your counsellor has the tools and experience to help you achieve it, and making that commitment is a sign of strength, not weakness. For more information, read about our couples therapy or book a free consult.