When starting the process of seeking therapy and trying to find a therapist that’s a good fit for you, it can be difficult to know what a “right fit” is — especially if this is your first time seeking therapy. This post will cover three important steps to consider when seeking a therapist: the process of searching for a therapist, navigating the first consultation, and feeling out the first session.

Step 1: The search

When starting this process, it is important to look inward and decide what is most important to you. Here is a list of questions you may consider asking yourself before starting your search:

Why am I seeking therapy?

This can help inform your therapist of the concerns you are looking to address. Answering this question can also help you question whether your therapist is familiar with and has worked with these similar experiences before.

What am I hoping to gain from therapy? What are my goals?

Knowing this can help you gauge what kind of communication you are seeking from your therapist. Examples can include guidance for self-reflection, space to vent to a third party, or tangible tools and homework.

Do I prefer to meet in-person or virtually?

This can help you find a therapist that meets your scheduling and location needs. Some clients prefer to feel connected through face-to-face meetings; some prefer the comfort of their home.

What is my budget?

If you are looking for more affordable options, it will be helpful to search for a therapist that offers sliding-scale options or payment via insurance.

When you’re ready to start searching, it’s helpful to know what’s most important and valuable to you, and what to look for while reading therapist bios.

Step 2: Navigating the first consultation

Most therapists will offer a free phone consultation to provide an opportunity for you and the therapist to briefly get to know one another. This is a great opportunity to ask any questions that may help you decide if it will be a good match. It is important to find a therapist who can provide a positive relationship and alliance, which has been shown to be a strong indicator of therapy effectiveness. Equally important is that the therapist and client goals are aligned and that the client feels they are being listened to, understood, and accepted without judgement.

What type of therapy does the therapist provide?

It is important to know how different approaches and modalities will align with your goals. If you are unsure, ask the therapist how their approaches align with your specific concerns.

What are the therapist’s areas of expertise?

This will help you decide if the therapist’s experience and areas of expertise align with what you are experiencing. For example, if you are seeking support for substance use, it may be important to find a therapist that has experience or expertise in this specific area.

Does the therapist have experience with similar concerns?

It may provide you comfort and trust to know that your therapist has had experience working with similar concerns to yours.

What are the payment options?

Inquire about cost of sessions. It may be helpful to find out if the therapist accepts insurance and to ask about billing procedures (out-of-pocket vs. direct billing). It is also helpful to ask about sliding-scale options.

What does the therapy process look like?

Knowing how the therapist will track progress will help you understand the process and recognize outcome measures.

Step 3: The first session and feeling out rapport

After searching and completing a consultation, the first session is where you really gauge how you feel about the match.

Rapport

Rapport refers to the relationship between individuals which fosters meaning-making and provides a caring and empathic space for clients to feel supported. The level of rapport between client and therapist indicates how connected you feel to the therapist and how comfortable you feel to open up to them. You may notice the therapist communicating with you relevantly and accurately understanding and reflecting what you are sharing.

Ask yourself: Do you feel heard and understood by your therapist on a relational level?

Trust

Trust formed within a therapeutic alliance fosters the ability for you to relax and reduce vigilance, allowing you to become more open to learning and experiencing. Trust is often formed through rapport and a feeling of mutual respect.

Ask yourself: Do you feel that you can trust your therapist to open up safely and comfortably? Do you feel respected and that your therapist is providing a non-judgemental space?

Therapeutic alliance

A therapeutic alliance is seen through an emotional bond, an agreement on goals, and an agreement on the process leading to those goals. These agreements are stronger when the emotional bond is stronger.

Ask yourself: Do you feel that your relationship with your therapist feels like a partnership? Do you feel your therapist aligns with your preferred goals and is meeting your needs?

Cultural competence

It’s especially important to consider if your therapist meets your cultural needs. Therapists working with diverse populations display positive rapport and communication in tune with that of their clients. The client should feel that the therapist understands their social identity and the potential impact of societal discrimination.

Ask yourself: Do I feel supported through a non-judgemental, understanding, and culturally-informed lens?

Final considerations: what if it’s not a good fit?

Finding the right fit can sometimes be a long and daunting process. It is important to listen to your gut feeling and know what feels best for you. Recognizing a therapist that’s not a good fit does not make them a bad therapist or you a bad client — just not a good match. Signs it may not be a good fit:

  • Feeling as though your therapist is not interested in your problems.
  • Feeling the relationship does not feel like a partnership.
  • You feel your safe space to share is compromised in any way.
  • Feeling judged or misunderstood.
  • Feeling your therapist is not able to meet your emotional or cultural needs.
  • Feeling the approaches used aren’t aligning with your concerns and goals.

If you notice this, it may help to discuss these concerns with your therapist and seek a possible referral. Finding the right therapist isn’t always easy and can take some time to find the best fit for you.

Browse our team or book a free 20-minute consult — and if a different practice would serve you better, we’ll tell you.

References

Borelli, J. L., Sohn, L., Wang, B. A., Hong, K., DeCoste, C., & Suchman, N. E. (2019). Therapist–Client Language Matching. Psychoanalytic Psychology, 36(1), 9–18.

Connolly, P. (2022). Instability and Uncertainty Are Critical for Psychotherapy. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 784295.

Elliott, R., Bohart, A. C., Watson, J. C., & Murphy, D. (2018). Therapist empathy and client outcome. Psychotherapy, 55, 399–410.

Gelso, C. J., & Kline, K. V. (2019). The sister concepts of the working alliance and the real relationship. Research in Psychotherapy, 22(2), 373.

Kelley, J. M., Kraft-Todd, G., Schapira, L., Kossowsky, J., & Riess, H. (2014). The Influence of the Patient-Clinician Relationship on Healthcare Outcomes. PLoS ONE, 9(4), e94207.